FFF?

Nov. 19th, 2012 11:24 am
switchkitty78: (collar)
So Kittyboy and I have PAXEast passes. Problem is that we don't have hotel accomodations lined up yet and all the stuff near the con hall is a) $$$ b) probably booked up already by now. More importantly, due to various states of unemployment and financial strappage, it looks like none of the usual suspects are going this time around, which sucks but is understandable. Not like there won't be one the year after that. So he and I have been discussing selling our passes and using the money for something else. And the following fell out of his mouth last night:

"Maybe we could go to Providence for that spanky kink con you're always talking about?"

*blink* What?

Don't get me wrong, holy shit yes, I'd go to the Flea in a heartbeat. Bonus going with my husband! But... I don't know, I have concerns. Other than briefly flirting with kink in the beginning of the relationship and some occasional "I'm gonna tie you up and HURT you." "Okay fine, bring it" play, it's been a reasonably vanilla relationship. And he's got Opinions on kink, specifically on the sort that extends outside of bedroom and sexytimes.

Regardless of all that, the main problem is me. I tend to be the sort that will happily venture along on other peoples adventures into various interests, finding things that interest me along the way at best, finding ways to self-entertain at worst. But when it comes to my own stuff, I'm VERY uncomfortable inviting anyone to go/participate with me, especially if it's an out-there sort of interest (kink counts, but so could experimental French cinema) or a narrowly focused one (beadwork). Half of me goes into defensive mode ("It's not FOR you!") in case the other person doesn't like, is bored by or is derisive of it. The other half gets so wrapped up in whether the other person is enjoying themselves that I fail to enjoy myself, thus nullifying the entire point of the exercise. Which is why I end up doing a lot of things on my own and more or less successfully convincing myself that I really prefer it that way, or just... not doing things period, because lets be fair, company is usually advantageous in these sorts of endeavors.

He did offer, though. That's something. 'Course... I don't know. I hate being humored. Or rather I don't hate it per se, but I hate being constantly aware that someone's coming along for the ride not because of any personal interest of theirs, but because it's important to me. Even though that's something I do all the damn time.

So yeah argh. It's early yet, and it's only been floated as a possibility - FFF is it's own kind of pricey and I told myself after the last one that I wasn't gonna go unless I had at least a few spare C notes to spend (doubtful that I will by February). And I know I'm overthinking it a LOT and I should just go and have a good time and not worry so much about my proposed company. Still the weird level of angst is there and I had to pour it out somewhere.

Le sigh

Jan. 31st, 2012 11:08 am
switchkitty78: (Default)
Was kind of waffling on attending the WMPE get together tomorrow night, as I always do when a local scene event is looming. On one hand I really do want to get back into local scene stuff, meet new people and whatnot. On the other hand, after work these days all I want to do is go home and collapse. Not to mention I have bell practice right around meeting time. And I don't want to go all the way to chicopee. And the Hu Ke Lau is expensive, if I actually want food. There's also the bit where I don't want to go by myself, but no one else is free/wants to go. Also also I know a lot of the people in the local scene and part of me is balking at wading into that nest of drama, but I do not want to drive out to hartford or Boston Metro or Albany or even back home to NY for any of this.

Well. I guess I could just wait and go to the closer TNG much in a couple weeks. Course, all of the above issues will still apply. *grump* damn it, it should not be this hard to get my kink on. Stupid shyness/lazy/lack of transportation/lack of money/incestuous Valley.
switchkitty78: (full moon)
First of May, aka May Day, aka Beltane, aka Outdoor Fuckin' Starts Today, is on Saturday.

Let me reiterate. The one calendar day of the year which is defined by quite a few traditions as devoted to the grown-up shenanigans falls on a weekend.

I'm not sure whether it will be me or Kittyboy, but damn it one of us is getting tied down and tormented on Saturday, and quite frankly he's the one with the 30 point tab racked up on his Litany of Misdeeds. *big old evil grin*

Anyone else got plans for what might as well be called Yar Yar Hump Hump Day?
switchkitty78: (collar)
Man at this rate I'm going to have to hand in my antisocial card, lol.

I got a message from Ms.V. at the tail end of my working asking if I wanted to go to the main WMPE discussion munch in Chicopee with her. After thinking about it for a few I was all sure, what the hell why not, right?

I was glad I did. There were some familiar faces from the Saturday munch present, and the presentation on 1920-1930s "dirty books" was intriguing and interesting. And one of the Dommes brought in a birthday cake for her submissive and shared. Apparently said sub asked to not have a vanilla cake at a fetish event (hurr hurr) so we got a chocolate cake with mousse frosting. Oh my, so yummy.

Honestly kinda left me in the mood to go home and write some filthy stories because of something the presenter said about how the focus in BDSM literature is still on older works, like The Story of O and the Sleeping Beauty books. Course by the time I came home afterward I was so exhausted that it was pretty much all I could do to shower up and toddle over to Kittyboy's so I could collapse into his bed and arms... and we both ended up oversleeping this morning, lol.

I'm toying with the idea of getting a WMPE membership, but am still sorta undecided about it. The main attraction for me right now is that they're setting up a partnership with some area businesses so that if youre a WMPE member you get discounts on stuff, kinda like triple A only kinky. But I'm not sure if I'd be actively participating in the local scene or just tagging along to the occasional eat 'n' schmooze like I'm doing now. I don't know I feel like if I sign up I ought to be contributing somehow, and I'm not sure if I have the inclination to do so or the space in my schedule. Not to mention the gas money to go running up and down 91 between home and The Society. So... waffling there. I suppose there's no harm in seeing how the next couple months go socially and join up later on this year if I still feel like it and make enough new friends in the process.

Flea blahs

Feb. 3rd, 2010 11:16 am
switchkitty78: (kitten)
Still waffling on whether to actually go to the damn flea or not. Money may make it a moot point, since I really need to take my car in, and regardless should do that before thinking about driving all the damn way to Providence and back. But also I'm sensing a closing up and shutting down on the kink end of my sexuality right now, which is frustrating because I'm just now sticking my foot back into The Scene as a more or less independent agent and do want to continue doing that... so I'm super annoyed at myself, but experience dictates not much to do for it than either sit and wait for my libido to come out of contraction phase and figure out what triggered it. Honestly it's not just kink, I definitely seem to be in curl up and run away mode sexually, so something's definitely going on.

Feh.

After watching this video yesterday, I think I need to take stock of my cute underwear and think about some cheesecake shots of myself, either taking them myself or recruiting someone to take them for me. Might also help with the aforementioned issues, as I've been feeling significantly less than cute lately, let alone sexy. :P
switchkitty78: (lovecats)
I have recently rediscovered that I absolutely adore that position where I'm lying face down on my bed and Kittyboy's spearing whatever hole takes his fancy. Usually holding me down by my wrists or my neck while doing so. It's a little bit scary for me, since I'm pretty completely out of control at that point, but that's probably why I love it. May also have something to do with it being a rear entry position that lets him do horribly wonderful things to my neck, face and shoulders with his teeth while he's fucking me. Either way... *contented sigh*

I've been invited to a queer event at The Society with Ms. Viviane on Saturday night. I'm kind of excited about it, as I still haven't gotten a chance to check out the space... and according to Ms V. there are quite excellently cute girls there. Not to mention that erotic takedown workshop sounds super fun as well. Always good to have something besides tickling at one's disposal when tussling with a bratty boy who wrestled in high school. Plus it'll give me a way of venting off all that full moon energy since Kittyboy will be busy doing other stuff that night...
switchkitty78: (Kitty)
Kinda want to go the WMPE munch tomorrow evening at Packards. Kinda don't. Mostly want to go because it's convenient, but of course the supershys are hitting something fierce, and I'm all "but I won't know anyone there waaaaaa schmoo"

I know the only real solution here is to grow a set and go. Even if I don't there's a WMPETNG munch at Bertucci's next month that I'm actually looking forward to a bit more. Still, handwring, handwring.

*sigh* It also looks pretty much like I'll be soloing this year's trip to the Flea, if indeed I decide to go at all. I'm hurting a little bit over this, as I know my former Sir and the pack of kittens I once belonged to will be there "working" and celebrating their one year anniversary of their/our collaring. *sigh* I don't regret leaving that particular relationship group... it presented too many problems for me to deal with personally to continue with it, but considering last year I lost my memberships to two "family" groups, one voluntarily, one not... yeah. Especially since I still miss imoto-chan and sometimes even Sir. On the flip side, my Lady will also be with them, and I look forward to seeing her. It also looks like I will indeed have some money to toy-shop... and since I am in the market specifically for a good leather flogger (and possibly a blindfold that won't make either me or Kittyboy all allergic), that at least will be a good thing.

What a difference a year makes... I look back at where I was then and where I am now. So much has changed... so much has stayed the same. Where will I be a year from now?
switchkitty78: (kitten)
Mostly for my own edification really.

Really want to try to make it down for both the SYC and the WMPE munches in Northampton this month. I'm guessing the SYC one will happen around the 24th (it hasn't been posted) and the WMPE one is Wednesday the 27. WMPE is also having a Switch discussion thing down at the Society but I already know I really don't want to haul my ass all the hell way down to Hartford for it.

Doing the picture a day thing over in NormalJournal. Almost want to do something regular in this journal too, like once a month cheesecake of me or other volunteers for such things. *sigh* I just need to get back into practice of photographing people again. I didn't realize how much that aspect of my picture taking kinda suffered after I broke up with my former house, specifically Tyger. People THAT willing to strip down and have cameras pointed at them are really hard to find. I mean, there are a couple of ideas I'd love to use Kittyboy or the Lady for, though I seriously doubt they'd a) let me b) let me post them, lol. I'd ask [livejournal.com profile] daddys_kitten but considering she has Shyboy and her Daddy around all the time, I think I'd be intimidated. (not by they themselves, but they are either professional or significantly better photographers than I am.) And Pfil isn't usually up for such things, though she did just show me an album of professional cheesecake shots of her from a decade ago that were jaw droppingly beautiful.

Also kinda want to get caned again. The experience itself is a test of endurance, but I do rather love having a sore ass afterward. It's kinda like I hate working out but love the deep muscle soreness it generates. Ugh. Need to do more of that too speaking of which, but my sister hasn't mailed back my sneakers yet.

Poop.

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