FFF?

Nov. 19th, 2012 11:24 am
switchkitty78: (collar)
So Kittyboy and I have PAXEast passes. Problem is that we don't have hotel accomodations lined up yet and all the stuff near the con hall is a) $$$ b) probably booked up already by now. More importantly, due to various states of unemployment and financial strappage, it looks like none of the usual suspects are going this time around, which sucks but is understandable. Not like there won't be one the year after that. So he and I have been discussing selling our passes and using the money for something else. And the following fell out of his mouth last night:

"Maybe we could go to Providence for that spanky kink con you're always talking about?"

*blink* What?

Don't get me wrong, holy shit yes, I'd go to the Flea in a heartbeat. Bonus going with my husband! But... I don't know, I have concerns. Other than briefly flirting with kink in the beginning of the relationship and some occasional "I'm gonna tie you up and HURT you." "Okay fine, bring it" play, it's been a reasonably vanilla relationship. And he's got Opinions on kink, specifically on the sort that extends outside of bedroom and sexytimes.

Regardless of all that, the main problem is me. I tend to be the sort that will happily venture along on other peoples adventures into various interests, finding things that interest me along the way at best, finding ways to self-entertain at worst. But when it comes to my own stuff, I'm VERY uncomfortable inviting anyone to go/participate with me, especially if it's an out-there sort of interest (kink counts, but so could experimental French cinema) or a narrowly focused one (beadwork). Half of me goes into defensive mode ("It's not FOR you!") in case the other person doesn't like, is bored by or is derisive of it. The other half gets so wrapped up in whether the other person is enjoying themselves that I fail to enjoy myself, thus nullifying the entire point of the exercise. Which is why I end up doing a lot of things on my own and more or less successfully convincing myself that I really prefer it that way, or just... not doing things period, because lets be fair, company is usually advantageous in these sorts of endeavors.

He did offer, though. That's something. 'Course... I don't know. I hate being humored. Or rather I don't hate it per se, but I hate being constantly aware that someone's coming along for the ride not because of any personal interest of theirs, but because it's important to me. Even though that's something I do all the damn time.

So yeah argh. It's early yet, and it's only been floated as a possibility - FFF is it's own kind of pricey and I told myself after the last one that I wasn't gonna go unless I had at least a few spare C notes to spend (doubtful that I will by February). And I know I'm overthinking it a LOT and I should just go and have a good time and not worry so much about my proposed company. Still the weird level of angst is there and I had to pour it out somewhere.

Le sigh

Jan. 31st, 2012 11:08 am
switchkitty78: (Default)
Was kind of waffling on attending the WMPE get together tomorrow night, as I always do when a local scene event is looming. On one hand I really do want to get back into local scene stuff, meet new people and whatnot. On the other hand, after work these days all I want to do is go home and collapse. Not to mention I have bell practice right around meeting time. And I don't want to go all the way to chicopee. And the Hu Ke Lau is expensive, if I actually want food. There's also the bit where I don't want to go by myself, but no one else is free/wants to go. Also also I know a lot of the people in the local scene and part of me is balking at wading into that nest of drama, but I do not want to drive out to hartford or Boston Metro or Albany or even back home to NY for any of this.

Well. I guess I could just wait and go to the closer TNG much in a couple weeks. Course, all of the above issues will still apply. *grump* damn it, it should not be this hard to get my kink on. Stupid shyness/lazy/lack of transportation/lack of money/incestuous Valley.
switchkitty78: (love)
Ever had one of those nights of sexing where you're having flashbacks for days afterwards? ;) Yeah. Last night was definitely one of those times, all slow sweet and hot, like Kittyboy and I had all the time in the world to enjoy each other thoroughly before he took off for the weekend this morning.

Little things keep drifting through my memory: how it feels to pin him down and ride him, fingers tangled, his cheek against mine, hearing him breathe heavily into my ear... how his mouth softens under a kiss... a flash of his big brown eyes with that glassy expression of bliss in them... his cock sliding deep and hard into me from below and his hands on my breasts... his teeth sinking into that sensitive spot where my neck joins my shoulder... his fingers digging into my shoulders as he turns me over and fucks me from behind... the way my ass arches up to meet him on each stroke... and finally the quick hard throb of him cumming deep inside me, setting off my own intense release.

I won't lie, I love me some hard porny savagery as much as the next little slut. But more often than not what completely undoes me is the kind of sex that reminds you that lover starts with love, and sometimes the hottest, most panty-soaking thing you can have said to you in that tone of voice that's only a couple of steps to the left of a growl is simply "I love you."

Can't wait 'till he comes home.

* * *


I've got a collarme.com account. Same username as my FetLife, if anyone's interested.

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switchkitty78

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