FFF?

Nov. 19th, 2012 11:24 am
switchkitty78: (collar)
So Kittyboy and I have PAXEast passes. Problem is that we don't have hotel accomodations lined up yet and all the stuff near the con hall is a) $$$ b) probably booked up already by now. More importantly, due to various states of unemployment and financial strappage, it looks like none of the usual suspects are going this time around, which sucks but is understandable. Not like there won't be one the year after that. So he and I have been discussing selling our passes and using the money for something else. And the following fell out of his mouth last night:

"Maybe we could go to Providence for that spanky kink con you're always talking about?"

*blink* What?

Don't get me wrong, holy shit yes, I'd go to the Flea in a heartbeat. Bonus going with my husband! But... I don't know, I have concerns. Other than briefly flirting with kink in the beginning of the relationship and some occasional "I'm gonna tie you up and HURT you." "Okay fine, bring it" play, it's been a reasonably vanilla relationship. And he's got Opinions on kink, specifically on the sort that extends outside of bedroom and sexytimes.

Regardless of all that, the main problem is me. I tend to be the sort that will happily venture along on other peoples adventures into various interests, finding things that interest me along the way at best, finding ways to self-entertain at worst. But when it comes to my own stuff, I'm VERY uncomfortable inviting anyone to go/participate with me, especially if it's an out-there sort of interest (kink counts, but so could experimental French cinema) or a narrowly focused one (beadwork). Half of me goes into defensive mode ("It's not FOR you!") in case the other person doesn't like, is bored by or is derisive of it. The other half gets so wrapped up in whether the other person is enjoying themselves that I fail to enjoy myself, thus nullifying the entire point of the exercise. Which is why I end up doing a lot of things on my own and more or less successfully convincing myself that I really prefer it that way, or just... not doing things period, because lets be fair, company is usually advantageous in these sorts of endeavors.

He did offer, though. That's something. 'Course... I don't know. I hate being humored. Or rather I don't hate it per se, but I hate being constantly aware that someone's coming along for the ride not because of any personal interest of theirs, but because it's important to me. Even though that's something I do all the damn time.

So yeah argh. It's early yet, and it's only been floated as a possibility - FFF is it's own kind of pricey and I told myself after the last one that I wasn't gonna go unless I had at least a few spare C notes to spend (doubtful that I will by February). And I know I'm overthinking it a LOT and I should just go and have a good time and not worry so much about my proposed company. Still the weird level of angst is there and I had to pour it out somewhere.

Le sigh

Jan. 31st, 2012 11:08 am
switchkitty78: (Default)
Was kind of waffling on attending the WMPE get together tomorrow night, as I always do when a local scene event is looming. On one hand I really do want to get back into local scene stuff, meet new people and whatnot. On the other hand, after work these days all I want to do is go home and collapse. Not to mention I have bell practice right around meeting time. And I don't want to go all the way to chicopee. And the Hu Ke Lau is expensive, if I actually want food. There's also the bit where I don't want to go by myself, but no one else is free/wants to go. Also also I know a lot of the people in the local scene and part of me is balking at wading into that nest of drama, but I do not want to drive out to hartford or Boston Metro or Albany or even back home to NY for any of this.

Well. I guess I could just wait and go to the closer TNG much in a couple weeks. Course, all of the above issues will still apply. *grump* damn it, it should not be this hard to get my kink on. Stupid shyness/lazy/lack of transportation/lack of money/incestuous Valley.
switchkitty78: (purple ass)
Aw, missed steak and BJ day this year. Yes, I'm actually sad about that. Red meat and oral sex sound like a perfect day to me.

For a lark and after a tangentially related conversation with KB, I reread Kushiel's Dart. This did nothing for my desire to beat someone bruisy. Neither is the fact that I found my 18" wooden ruler last night.

Last night after fucking my ass sweet and slow, Kittyboy mischievously pointed out that he always fists me when I come home from NY. "Just giving you something to look forward to." Damn him.

No progress made on venturing forth to wmpe events. We'll see about the main wmpetng munch.

I'm sure I have to wait in a line that wraps around the country several times, but I have this insane desire to do wonderfully awful things to Rachel Maddow in a significant state of undress. Painfully intelligent dark haired/dark eyed women kinda make me weak in the knees.

I really really REALLY need a new Wahl coil. And some drip candles. And Slippery stuff. And maybe one of those rock and roll vibes that light up. It'd be like Studio 54 all up in my junk. And a celebrator. And one (okay two) of these floggers. Sigh. One of these days I will have a toy budget again. One of these days.
switchkitty78: (collar)
Man at this rate I'm going to have to hand in my antisocial card, lol.

I got a message from Ms.V. at the tail end of my working asking if I wanted to go to the main WMPE discussion munch in Chicopee with her. After thinking about it for a few I was all sure, what the hell why not, right?

I was glad I did. There were some familiar faces from the Saturday munch present, and the presentation on 1920-1930s "dirty books" was intriguing and interesting. And one of the Dommes brought in a birthday cake for her submissive and shared. Apparently said sub asked to not have a vanilla cake at a fetish event (hurr hurr) so we got a chocolate cake with mousse frosting. Oh my, so yummy.

Honestly kinda left me in the mood to go home and write some filthy stories because of something the presenter said about how the focus in BDSM literature is still on older works, like The Story of O and the Sleeping Beauty books. Course by the time I came home afterward I was so exhausted that it was pretty much all I could do to shower up and toddle over to Kittyboy's so I could collapse into his bed and arms... and we both ended up oversleeping this morning, lol.

I'm toying with the idea of getting a WMPE membership, but am still sorta undecided about it. The main attraction for me right now is that they're setting up a partnership with some area businesses so that if youre a WMPE member you get discounts on stuff, kinda like triple A only kinky. But I'm not sure if I'd be actively participating in the local scene or just tagging along to the occasional eat 'n' schmooze like I'm doing now. I don't know I feel like if I sign up I ought to be contributing somehow, and I'm not sure if I have the inclination to do so or the space in my schedule. Not to mention the gas money to go running up and down 91 between home and The Society. So... waffling there. I suppose there's no harm in seeing how the next couple months go socially and join up later on this year if I still feel like it and make enough new friends in the process.
switchkitty78: (full moon)
I did end up going to the WMPETNG munch on Saturday! Go me for summoning the courage. My Fetlife friends list jumped by like 25%, I swear, lol. But yeah, it was good. Packed house and chaos, due to it being the first one and organizational kinks (shut up) needed working out, but the important thing was that the turnout was fabulous and people are looking forward to the next one. Me, I made some friends and found an old acquaintance, and had a very enjoyable evening in the company of hilarious, geeky people.

Kittyboy's question last night of "so why do the girls you find cute all look like imoto-chan?" has been bugging me for some reason. I apparently run to type with women more than men: tall curvy redheads (natural or bottled irrelevant) do tend to instantly get my attention, whereas generally women that fall outside of this type tend to have to work at it a little more to show up on my radar. I think it's bugging me because I hadn't actually realized I was running to type, and also considering the last couple of tall curvy redheads to occupy a fair amount of my attention... yeah. I don't know. There's nothing wrong with having a preference, but I always get a little grumpy when caught in one of my predictable little patterns. Meh.

In slightly less annoying Kittyboy question news, he asked the other day if there was something we hadn't done yet that I'd like to do, and after getting over my usual flustered after being asked a direct question out of left field, I mentioned that he hasn't tied me up yet. Man, it's been years and now that its out there I can't stop thinking about it, lol. Ah well, this is why I have several insane lengths of green cord kicking around after all. :)

Bertucci's

Feb. 26th, 2010 04:17 pm
switchkitty78: (collar)
anyone going to the WMPE-TNG munch tomorrow? Wanna buddy up? Anyone else want to pronounce that WimpyTing? lol.

figure if I know other people are going it'll be less reason for me to chicken out. :)

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