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switchkitty78I cracked open the laptop this afternoon looking for a file and found this entry I'd written the afternoon of 8/31 (i think?) and for whatever reason never posted. Oops. Anyway, posting now...
The bruises I carry today, alas, aren't from anything fun, but I bear them with the satisfaction that I have the strength to hold up under pain in order to get a job done, in this case, helping Kittyboy clear out of his old apartment. The slightly stretched, irritated feeling I woke up with this morning was the surprise at the end of a long hard day where he came to bed with me for the second time that night (first time being defeated by allergies), pulled me close and spent half an hour gently running his fingers up and down my back, over my arms and through my hair, at first sweet and comforting, then with a more direct request in mind, one I was more than happy to respond to and accommodate.
It was a little different last night, not only because we were, in a sense, inaugurating a new place. It seemed to be the first time since that first intense barely thinking time we kissed, got hot and naked and wonderful where I was coming to it too tired to worry about the little stupid shit (yes, Ms. Kitty has a touch of performance anxiety... are you surprised? ;) ), too tired to put the usual little walls up that keep me from wilting if I accidentally do something wrong/too hard/too much, too tired to do much of anything but love and be loved in return.
I am reminded somewhat of a time several years ago after an accident with a car landed me briefly in the hospital, and again shortly after I was hospitalized again around this time last year, namely the first time I had sex with someone after both incidents. This felt similar... like after having been through something difficult or even just long grueling and intense, that connection with someone you love just for its own sake feels like a celebration of survival. Life affirming, if you'll pardon me using a phrase I kinda hate. Just hey, I'm here, and this person i care deeply for and who for some miraculous reason or another cares for me in return is here too... ain't that something?
Believe me... it was something all right.
The bruises I carry today, alas, aren't from anything fun, but I bear them with the satisfaction that I have the strength to hold up under pain in order to get a job done, in this case, helping Kittyboy clear out of his old apartment. The slightly stretched, irritated feeling I woke up with this morning was the surprise at the end of a long hard day where he came to bed with me for the second time that night (first time being defeated by allergies), pulled me close and spent half an hour gently running his fingers up and down my back, over my arms and through my hair, at first sweet and comforting, then with a more direct request in mind, one I was more than happy to respond to and accommodate.
It was a little different last night, not only because we were, in a sense, inaugurating a new place. It seemed to be the first time since that first intense barely thinking time we kissed, got hot and naked and wonderful where I was coming to it too tired to worry about the little stupid shit (yes, Ms. Kitty has a touch of performance anxiety... are you surprised? ;) ), too tired to put the usual little walls up that keep me from wilting if I accidentally do something wrong/too hard/too much, too tired to do much of anything but love and be loved in return.
I am reminded somewhat of a time several years ago after an accident with a car landed me briefly in the hospital, and again shortly after I was hospitalized again around this time last year, namely the first time I had sex with someone after both incidents. This felt similar... like after having been through something difficult or even just long grueling and intense, that connection with someone you love just for its own sake feels like a celebration of survival. Life affirming, if you'll pardon me using a phrase I kinda hate. Just hey, I'm here, and this person i care deeply for and who for some miraculous reason or another cares for me in return is here too... ain't that something?
Believe me... it was something all right.
