That 30 day kink meme going 'round
Apr. 17th, 2011 03:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
switchkitty78Normally I hate 30 day memes, but this one's actually interesting to me so I'm not going to pass on it. Any excuse for extended verbal omphaloskepsis, eh? (also need more excuses to post in here - I haven't been lately and I'm not really okay with that.)
Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.
I declare myself a switch, mostly for the same reasons why I declare myself open, bi/pansexual, etc: I hate pidgeonholing myself down to one concrete definition/role. I have the most experience being a bottom/sub, simply because that role comes easiest to me and I don't quite have as much practice being on the handle end of the whip, however I know there's a Dominant side to my personality that hasn't had much of a chance to come out, play and stretch her legs for more than just a once-off scene. I'd like to explore this more, but one of the weird glitches in my trust issues is that while I can pretty much bottom for anyone (know my limits/what I can take, blah blah blah) I need to trust the person I'm topping a hell of a lot more. Lots of reason for this - performance anxiety/concern for whether the other person's enjoying themselves being some. The other thing kinda holding me back from topping more than I bottom is I know that I can be sadistic to the point where in certain moods and states of mind, unless you have an insanely high pain threshold (and I've only met like three people who did) its not actually safe for me to be even theoretically in control. I've never crossed a hard limit or a safeword (paranoia against really hurting people is a good check for this) but a big part of me is terrified that if pushed far enough into top space, I might. So there's a lack of self-trust that's keeping me from the other side of the spectrum as well.
tl;dr, like most things, it's complicated.
I've kind of been ruminating on someone else's post exploring possible intersections between surviving some form of sexual abuse/assault and how that relates to/affects one's sexuality later in life. Honestly people (and not the most well meaning ones, but NOT the person in question) have tried to draw that parallel with me my whole damn life, blaming it for my gay years ago and hinting that it may be the reason I'm kinky/slutty/crazy/easy/whatever now. I guess what I don't like is the implication of permanent damage, or that the things I'm into or the way I express my sexuality are broken, not to mention a few times it's come up it's within a nasty and actively slut-shaming context. I also don't like how this implication automatically steers me away from thinking there is any correlation between one or another. There may be one, there may not be one; all I really know is that I was abused around age 4 and I was about the same age when I got a serious yelling at and a spanking because my mother busted me tying myself to my toddler chair with a jump rope. (True story that. It was kinda traumatic at the time, it's kinda hilarious now.) I do know that other things about my childhood definitely inform my attitudes about authority and control and how I respond to it, both my own and in response to others (I'm not exactly a bratty sub, but I've been known to act out or sulk when uncomfortable with whatever situation I've been put in... actually I do this IRL as well. And I'd be fucking stupid to be unaware that part of the reason why I tend to be rather zealous on the pain-causing is in reaction being raised under my mother's heavy hand.) Kink for me feels like a temporary sidestep from reality where I can process those issues in another, hopefully safer context, hilarious as that sounds considering there's usually bruising involved. (I suppose it makes a difference that it's consensual bruising.)
I could go on blabbing about this, but considering y'all are going to be hearing about this ostensibly for the next month, I'm gonna quit while I'm ahead so i have something to write later.
Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.
Day 2: List your kinks.
Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?
Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?
Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.
Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.
Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?
Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.
Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.
Day 10: What are your hard limits?
Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?
Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.
Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?
Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.
Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?
Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?
Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?
Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?
Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.
Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)
Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?
Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?
Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?
Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.
(Crossposted to the relevant journals, apologies to those of you getting it twice. Comment here or there, I don't care.)
Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.
I declare myself a switch, mostly for the same reasons why I declare myself open, bi/pansexual, etc: I hate pidgeonholing myself down to one concrete definition/role. I have the most experience being a bottom/sub, simply because that role comes easiest to me and I don't quite have as much practice being on the handle end of the whip, however I know there's a Dominant side to my personality that hasn't had much of a chance to come out, play and stretch her legs for more than just a once-off scene. I'd like to explore this more, but one of the weird glitches in my trust issues is that while I can pretty much bottom for anyone (know my limits/what I can take, blah blah blah) I need to trust the person I'm topping a hell of a lot more. Lots of reason for this - performance anxiety/concern for whether the other person's enjoying themselves being some. The other thing kinda holding me back from topping more than I bottom is I know that I can be sadistic to the point where in certain moods and states of mind, unless you have an insanely high pain threshold (and I've only met like three people who did) its not actually safe for me to be even theoretically in control. I've never crossed a hard limit or a safeword (paranoia against really hurting people is a good check for this) but a big part of me is terrified that if pushed far enough into top space, I might. So there's a lack of self-trust that's keeping me from the other side of the spectrum as well.
tl;dr, like most things, it's complicated.
I've kind of been ruminating on someone else's post exploring possible intersections between surviving some form of sexual abuse/assault and how that relates to/affects one's sexuality later in life. Honestly people (and not the most well meaning ones, but NOT the person in question) have tried to draw that parallel with me my whole damn life, blaming it for my gay years ago and hinting that it may be the reason I'm kinky/slutty/crazy/easy/whatever now. I guess what I don't like is the implication of permanent damage, or that the things I'm into or the way I express my sexuality are broken, not to mention a few times it's come up it's within a nasty and actively slut-shaming context. I also don't like how this implication automatically steers me away from thinking there is any correlation between one or another. There may be one, there may not be one; all I really know is that I was abused around age 4 and I was about the same age when I got a serious yelling at and a spanking because my mother busted me tying myself to my toddler chair with a jump rope. (True story that. It was kinda traumatic at the time, it's kinda hilarious now.) I do know that other things about my childhood definitely inform my attitudes about authority and control and how I respond to it, both my own and in response to others (I'm not exactly a bratty sub, but I've been known to act out or sulk when uncomfortable with whatever situation I've been put in... actually I do this IRL as well. And I'd be fucking stupid to be unaware that part of the reason why I tend to be rather zealous on the pain-causing is in reaction being raised under my mother's heavy hand.) Kink for me feels like a temporary sidestep from reality where I can process those issues in another, hopefully safer context, hilarious as that sounds considering there's usually bruising involved. (I suppose it makes a difference that it's consensual bruising.)
I could go on blabbing about this, but considering y'all are going to be hearing about this ostensibly for the next month, I'm gonna quit while I'm ahead so i have something to write later.
Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.
Day 2: List your kinks.
Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?
Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?
Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.
Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.
Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?
Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.
Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.
Day 10: What are your hard limits?
Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?
Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.
Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?
Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.
Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?
Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?
Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?
Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?
Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.
Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)
Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?
Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?
Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?
Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.
(Crossposted to the relevant journals, apologies to those of you getting it twice. Comment here or there, I don't care.)
